The Lies You Told
by LovelyUnderland
Summary: Sequel to "I Am Not My Father". Now that she is out of the games, Katniss finds out more about her so called "father". Discovering the truth, she crosses the line yet again landing herself in the arena. But, this time, she has Peeta and. . . .a baby? Rated M. Katniss/Peeta Canon Slight AU Follows MJ
1. Part II: The Lies You Told

**Title:** The Lies You Told

**Author:** LovelyUnderland

**Summary:** After surviving the games, Katniss lives in DIstrict 12 with the Everdeen family. The day of the Victory Tour she finds out the truth about her father and the secrets he has kept. When Snow discovers that Katniss is planning something, he takes action against her. She thought that the Games were over, but she was very wrong. For a second time she is in the Games and with even more deadly people.

**WARNINGS:** Profanity, lemon, spoilers, violence!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Hunger Games trilogy nor am I making any profit off of my fanfiction stories based off of the series. All rights reside with Suzanne Collins.


	2. Chapter One: Darius

**Darius**

120613

_LovelyUnderland_

* * *

The cold wind whips at my skin like shards of glass as I walk through the woods. Today is the beginning of the Victory Tour and at noon, the reporters will arrive with their stupid cameras and bright lights. I know they will ask me all about how my life has been after the games and, like every other time, I will put on that fake smile and tell them how wonderful it is, and how gracious the Capitol has been to me. I won't tell them how I would rather forget all about the games. Once again, I will lie.

In all honesty, for a victor, the Games never end. Even after the Arena, flashbacks and nightmares haunt me. Every night I wake up to a blood-curdling scream only to realize that it's mine. Prim and Mrs Everdeen try their best to calm me down and comfort me, but it barely helps. They don't understand what it's like to watch someone die or to be the reason. They aren't who I need to feel safe again. They aren't Peeta.

Peeta, after leaving the station, went to settle into his new house. I haven't said a word to him since. I want to, though. I want to run into his warm embrace and apologize. I want to hear his soothing voice telling that everything's okay, but I can't bring myself to do it. He's the one that can't see why I had to put on an act. I had to keep us both alive. I had to bring him home. Why can't Peeta just get that through his thick head?

It didn't take long for me to realize that he wasn't going to talk to me. Eventually, I went to Gale, albeit reluctantly. He surprised me when I did talk to him. Gale admitted that he was hurt by the act, but that he knew why I did it. After that day, Gale has been my shoulder to lean on. We have spent many days out in the woods together gathering game… that was, until he began working in the mines.

Sundays are the only days that we spend time together now, but I love every moment of it. Gale is no Peeta, but he is my best friend. Many people began questioning our relationship. They believed that there was more than just friendship between us but I quickly shot down that rumour by saying that he was a distant cousin. The thought of Gale and I together makes me feel guilty. I know that he has feelings for me. He's told me many times and it hurt me to let him down. Yes, I do feel something for him, but I can't allow myself to be loved by him. It just feels wrong to me.

Once I've gathered all of the game from the traps, I head over to the Hob. The place is always filled with people. I stop by Ripper's stall first and collect some spirits for Mrs Everdeen and Haymitch. Cray, the head Peacekeeper, gives me a disapproving look. Without thinking I flick the back of my hand under my chin at him. I expect to be punished somehow, maybe physically. However, Cray surprises me by laughing.

"Girl, where'd you ever learn such profanity?" he chuckles.

"If you've seen my father when he's mad then you would know," I snort.

"Anyway, what are you doing with that stuff? It's way too strong for a pretty thing like you," he says, flipping my braid from my shoulder. I shudder at the contact. I'm not used to being touched and Cray is known for his ways with women. It sickens me. He's almost as bad a drinker as Haymitch is, and the stench of his breath is overkill.

"Mrs Everdeen needs it for healing," I say in a rush before walking away.

I go to as many stalls as I can before stopping at Greasy Sae's. The soup she's made seems to be some type of bean and gourd soup. Surprisingly enough, it looks rather good. Usually, the soups resemble vomit or dog food. Sae hands me a bowl and then breaks out into a wide grin. A long arm reaches around me and takes my bowl. At first, I freeze because the arm is covered in white and silver, a thing that only Peacekeepers wear. I can feel their warm breath on my neck.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the train?"

The low voice sends my mind into a whirl spin. I turn on my heel and come face to face with none other than Roal.

"Roal?" I ask, failing to sound casual.

"Actually, Ms Snow," he says, and holds out a hand, "My name is Darius."

As much as I want to question him, the fearful look in his eyes tells me to keep my mouth shut, for once. Roal– Darius looks much more muscular than he used to. The tightness of the uniform reveals every inch of him. He laughs when I look away.

"So, are you going to answer me?" he asks playfully.

"I'm being collected at noon," I shrug.

"Should you be dressed a little better? I mean, you are representing the district. Maybe you should put a ribbon in your hair or something?" he says tugging at my braid.

Unlike Cray, I'm not uncomfortable with R- Darius. He's like a brother to me and was my first friend. He's a sweetheart and would never hurt a soul. That's what confuses me about him right now. Why, or how, did he become a Peacekeeper? He never liked them. Darius saw what they did to his sister. Seeming to sense my thoughts, Darius pulls out a little package from his side bag and hands it to me. And, without a word, he leaves.

There is a note on the package that reads:

_Katniss,_

_Do not open this unless you are alone. There is a lot that you do not know that you need to. I know that you are confused about why I have joined. It will all be explained in this. You must not let anyone find this. I trust that you will be safe as you were always good at being sneaky about hiding things. Sae knows about this and will give you a room. Stay strong, and don't forget who you are._

_Darius_.

I look over to Sae who shifts her eyes to a room behind her stall. Nodding in understanding, I walk into the room and tear open the package. Inside is a small, withered journal engraved with my name.


	3. Chapter Two: Making Up

**Making Up**

12132013

_LovelyUnderland_

* * *

"What's that you've got there?"

I jump at the voice behind me and see Cray's greedy eyes. My legs react quicker than my mind and, before I realize what I'm doing, I am out of the Hob and racing towards Victor's Village. When I enter the gates, I don't stop. I run straight towards Haymitch's house, because Prim and Mrs Everdeen are in mine and Peeta's house is out of the question.

Upon entrance, my nose is assaulted with the vile stench of alcohol and vomit. I'll never understand why Haymitch refuses to clean his house, but the man really needs to. Clothes litter the floor and dishes are piled in the sink. Walking through the dump, I'm surprised that the place is even habitable.

Snoring in the corner of the room is dear old Haymitch.

"Get up!" I yell because, honestly, there is no other way to wake him up. When he doesn't wake up I smack his arm and say, "Get up, Haymitch. It's Tour Day!"

Haymitch does nothing but snore louder. I go to the bathroom sink and fill up a pail of water, but Haymitch is still sleeping when I come back. In one swift movement, I upend the pail over his head. Unfortunately, I forgot about his violent reactions and I barely dodge the knife he's wielding.

"What the hell!" he growls, once he's come to his senses.

After I open the window, I sit on the edge with the journal still clutched in my hand.

"You told me to wake you an hour before the cameras come. I was just listening," I say with a shrug.

"Why am I all wet?" he asks, squeezing water from his shirt.

"Because your ass wouldn't wake up when I tried to shake you, so I dumped water on you instead. It did the trick," I snort as he huffs. "Look, if you wanted to be babied, you should have asked Peeta."

"Ask me what?"

I freeze at the sound of the gentle voice. My heart pounds in my chest and guilt floods me. Will I ever get over this feeling? There is another feeling there but I don't want to admit it. No, I won't admit it.

Peeta walks over to me and holds out a small woven basket. There's fresh bread covered with cheese. Every day he makes a new variety of bread and, from what Haymitch has told me, I am his tester. Dumbly, I stare at the bread for a while before taking it. It tastes heavenly.

"So, once again, 'asked me what'?" Peeta iterates, but the harshness in his voice reminds me where we stand with each other.

"Ask you to wake me up without giving me pneumonia," Haymitch replies.

I find myself blushing when Peeta smiles at me.

"Thank you," I say and hold up my piece of bread, "um, for the bread." My voice is noticeably different. It's high and tense, like the atmosphere.

"Brr. You two really have a lot of warming up to do," Haymitch says through a mouth full of bread. "Look, you both need to deal with the situation because the audience expects a happy couple and, at the moment, you two are not exactly supporting that picture."

It annoys me that Haymitch is right. I want to leave, but I'm stopped when he snatches something from my hand. The journal. I reach out to grab it back, only to be thrown back by his arm. He's much stronger than I ever thought because I end up halfway across the room, hitting my skull on the table.

Peeta was by my side immediately, checking over me for any sign of wear or tear. "I'm fine," I say brushing his had away, only to realize that his hand is now covered in blood.

"Sweetheart, where did you get this?" Haymitch asks, but his voice has a hint of fear in it.

"Give me that back!" I hiss and force myself up.

I'm overcome with dizziness and I stumble backwards. I brace myself for the fall but it never happens. Peeta's strong arms catch me and he lowers me onto the couch. "I'll get it," he whispers.

At first, I don't know what he is talking about, but once I hear Peeta and Haymitch arguing, I understand. The journal lands in my lap soon after, with Haymitch and Peeta standing in front of me. I feel as though I am in a room for questioning or under my father's watch. I shift uncomfortably and stare at the interesting speck of dust on the floor.

"Well, sweetheart, are you going to explain where you got that?" Haymitch grumbles.

"It's mine," I say, bringing the journal to my chest.

Haymitch rolls his eyes at me and says, "That's obvious enough, the thing has your name in it, but did you look on the back?"

I turn the tattered book over and see something I'd missed before. In faded, gold lettering, is Property of Suzanne Eliza Everdeen. Confusion sets in. Maybe Roal– er, Darius, was playing a trick on me. Maybe he joined my father's side and planted this as a set up… but that's not like him to do. Even if Darius was on my father's side, he wouldn't do that.

"I got it from a friend," I say and turn to to Peeta, "today… down at the Hob."

Haymitch reaches for the journal again, but Peeta stops him. They exchange a look and Peeta sits next to me. "Katniss, what do you know about Mrs Everdeen?"

"What?" I ask.

"This journal, Katniss, belonged to her. Have you read anything in it?" Haymitch snaps.

I jump at the rise in his voice and lean into Peeta. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around me, as if to protect me from our mentor. Haymitch reminds me a lot of father when he's mad, except that he's less violent. I didn't realize that I had started shaking until Haymitch softens his expression. Despite my tight grip on the book, Peeta manages to pull it from me and hand it over to Haymitch.

"Katniss, I don't want you reading this. Not yet, at least." I begin to protest, but am silenced by Peeta.

"Trust us, okay? Don't read it until after the tour." Reluctantly, I nod my head. I want to know what's in the book, badly, but Peeta's warning look prevents me from taking the book and locking myself in a room.

Haymitch leaves the room with the book and when he comes back, it's not with him.

"Let's take a look at your head, it's still bleeding." Peeta takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen. Clearing off the counter, he picks me up with ease and plants me onto the beautiful marble. He wipes of my face and I go wide-eyed at the amount of blood on the towel he uses. I've never been good with blood, even my own, and the sight makes me nauseous.

"Don't look at it," Peeta whispers. His hushed tone reminds me of a father tending to his child. One day, he is going to make an amazing father. Whoever he ends up with will be lucky to have him. He's, in all ways, perfect.

"I'm sorry," I say.

Peeta sighs and sets the blood-filled rag in the sing. I half expect him to lash out on me. He reserves the right to do so. However, like always, Peeta is calm. I catch his eye before transfixing mine on the tile. With his thumb and forefinger, Peeta lifts my chin and plants a kiss on my lips. A warm feeling fills my belly and everything feels perfect and safe.

"It's fine. I forgave you long ago," he says, and pulls away. I don't want him to stop kissing me. My legs wrap around his waist, trapping him, and in response, he quirks his eyebrow and smiles. Sensing my yearning, Peeta leans down and kisses me again. This time it's not like the gentle one. It's filled with heat.

He slowly runs his tongue against my bottom lip before pushing it inside. We fight for dominance but in the end, he wins. A moan leaks from his mouth and–

"Sweetheart, I said make up, not make out."


	4. Chapter Three: It's Forever

**Ilovethemanofsteel: **Hahaha, sorry for the confusion!

**CrazyAboutHG: **I try, thank you! I will be writing a sequel to this one as well. :)

**Lifeasitisknown: **I will, thank you!

**Katya: **Only time will tell, however, I will let you know this. There is a very interesting reason behind it. Any ideas or suggestions about other parts, let me know. :) Hello to you from . . . . Wonderland. ;)

**CuteBrunetteThatLovesHG192: **Katniss doesn't read it until after the tour, sorry. In a few more chapters you will find out.

**Zrexheartz: **Haymitch will have many interesting remarks in this story. :)

**Oreocookielove2468: **I refuse to give up on this story. I will finish it no matter how long it takes! :)

**piepie1289: **Haha, it's okay. This chapter will be very long – as a gift and a apology for not being able to update for the past few weeks.

**Guest: **I will, I will, I promise!

**Annabelle: **Thank you, loveling! :)

* * *

*******DISCLAIMER*******

**Haymitch: Lovely does not own any part of the Hunger Games trilogy. And, she –**

**Me: Fuck you, bitch! *Runs after him***

**Haymitch: KATNISS HELP!**

**Katniss: *filing her nails. . . .looks up* Huh, ha, you're fucked.**

**Haymitch: HELP ME!**

**Katniss: Hell no. You got yourself into this one, Haymitch.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_He slowly runs his tongue against my bottom lip before pushing it inside. We fight for dominance but in the end, he wins. A moan leaks from his mouth and –_

"_Sweetheart, I said make up not make out."_

* * *

**It's Forever**

012513

_LovelyUnderland_

* * *

There are moments where it feels as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders and that the fates have it out for me. I suppose this could be considered one of those moments. In front of me is the President of Panem, otherwise known to me as father.

When I left Haymitch's house I saw the Capitol cars in front of my house. Three guards escorted me into one of the studies without a word. Mrs Everdeen's face was pale and her body was trembling with anxiety as she walked in the room to deliver tea and cookies. Not once did she look at father. In fact, when he greeted her, she sounded like a mouse. Her voice was all too high.

Throughout my stay, father never bothered me. The media trailed me everywhere I went, but he never made an appearance or called. To my delight, I hadn't seen him in months… so why is he here now? I fly through my thoughts to figure out what reason he could have to arrive at my house uninvited. Then again, the president doesn't need an invitation. Does he?

I stop at the memory in the woods a few weeks ago. Gale and I were hunting game. He kissed me out of nowhere. He kissed me, but I didn't get the feeling that I did with Peeta. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling; if anything, it was awkward. The only thing Gale said about it was that he had to do it at least once.

My cheeks tingle at his words echoing in my ears. Should I feel ashamed of myself for the kiss? Yes. Am I, though? I really don't know. A large part of me regrets it because I am even more confused than I was before. The other part enjoyed it. His lips were soft and I felt… wanted.

"Princess," he begins, folding his hands together on top the desk, "let's make this simple, shall we? Why don't we agree not to lie."

"That would be a fair agreement," I say through the thick air that seems to be smothering me.

Father leans forward so our noses are nearly touching. I can smell the sickening fumes from the rose on his satin lapel, but a metallic scent also registers as the cold, snake-like eyes he has burns holes through my head. Staying still is a difficult task. All I really want to do is go into the woods where I can be free.

"You didn't pull those berries out as an act of love, Katniss." he says.

My blank expression falters.

"Believe me, dear, had the whole country not been so in love with the pathetic idea of you and that boy, I would have had you blown to bits. Unfortunately, Seneca refused to follow orders and allowed you both to live… so, do you know what that means?"

My heart is hammering so hard in my chest that it's nearly visible against my silk shirt. What he's saying is that because of Seneca's way of rebelling, he was executed.

"Yes," I say.

Father takes a long sip of his tea and we sit in a moment of silence. His puffy lips are even more thick and pursed. He's had more alterations done since I last saw him. Honestly, he looks very much like a reptile. The cosmetic work he's had just makes him look worse each time.

"There are many who do not believe your 'love' is real. In the districts there are uprisings beginning and- "

"Uprisings?" I interject, cutting his words short. "What uprisings?"

Anger flickers on his face for a second before it is covered by a sober expression. Father picks up a cheese bun and examines it with a smile before taking a nibble.

"Wonderful, did your mo- " He pauses and clears his throat. "Your most, eloquent mentor– did he make these?"

An indignant snort erupts from me. Haymitch wouldn't cook even if he knew how. Besides, he's rarely sober enough to do so.

"No," I say. "Peeta did."

"Ah, and how is he?"

My throat becomes dry. The teacup I'm holding shows how much my body is shaking, almost as bad as Mrs Everdeen's was. Peeta is the last person that I want to talk about, but I don't have a choice. I met father's gaze long enough to say, "Well enough."

"My sweet daughter," father says in an odd tone. "Are you not as, for lack of a better word, as taken to him as you have the country believing? Well, what about that other boy, Mr Hawthorne, I believe his name is? Oh, yes, that 'distant relative' of yours."

Ignoring the comment, I swirl the tea around. The conversation feels pointless and never ending. The mention of Gale jumps my stomach. Many have assumed that, because we spent so much time together during my first stay, Gale is my cousin or some relative.

"Would it be possible for you to get to the point of your visit?" I blurt out.

"Tread the waters with caution, Katniss." he whispers in an almost inaudible tone. "I have no intention of harming my own flesh and blood."

"Father, I thought we agreed not to lie to each other?" I hiss through clenched teeth.

From behind the desk, Father gives out a hearty laugh that fills the room. I've never heard him laugh before –well, not like this, anyway– because this one sounds sincere and adoring. His face turns a deep shade of red as he continues.

"Very well spotted, my dear. I shall rephrase my words. Be careful with those you do not know. Many people are looking for any way to harm you and any reason to revolt. You see, you have ignited a spark that, if left unattended, may grow into a flame of destruction. You alone have provided a reason to revolt… and you alone have the power to tame that."

Before he leaves the room, Father puts a hand on my shoulder. There is so much pressure that it aches. And then said the last thing that I ever expected.

"Watch your step, Katniss. While I have spared your life, I do not know if I can continue with the leniency if you fail to convince the people of your… love. Do listen to me when I say that a revolt is not the right way to go. I don't know if I could stand putting my own daughter to death because, though you greatly resemble your mother, you still mean a great deal to me, Kitten."

Kitten. Father hasn't called me that since I was a very young girl. It was a nickname he created for me when I was four. I can only remember him using it a few times, but each time was a rare moment between us that I've pushed into the dark corners of my mind.

Gravity is against me. I can't bring myself to rise from the office chair. My knuckles have gone white and my jaw has locked shut. Inside, the anger I feel for the man is ebbing away. Why is this happening to me? Why can't I keep that anger held against him? Because deep down I know that he meant what he said. Yes, he meant all of it.

"Katniss, dear, are you okay?"

Mrs Everdeen is knelt down in front of me with a cold hand pressed against my forehead. With eyes full of worry, she looks me over for any sign of disturbance. It took me quite some time to allow her to treat me as a mother would a baby. Eleania, father's worker, was the closest thing to a mother that I've ever had and even she could only loosely qualify as one.

"I'm fine," I say.

"What– what did President Snow want?" she asks.

"Oh, he just wanted to wish me luck."

I give her the best smile I can plaster on my face and find the strength to stand from the chair. Prim is standing in the doorway. She knows I've lied. Thankfully, she remains silent as she leads me to the bath that has been prepared for me.

Prim is a small girl with light skin, long blond hair, and big, blue eyes. She sees everything with great optimism and tries to help everyone. Loving Prim is easy, since she's so sweet and innocent. In the week I stayed with the Everdeens before the Games, she quickly became a little sister to me.

The warm water envelopes my body like a warm blanket as I step into it. It calms me, but doesn't end my thoughts. Father. Peeta. Gale. They're all invading my head and bringing up unwanted memories. Currently, I can only think about the kiss between Gale and I… and how Peeta will react.

He will be mad at me, again. By allowing Gale's lips on mine, I've broken Peeta's trust. I'm absolutely positive that father already knows about the kiss. There are cameras everywhere.

"Katniss!" Three voices chorus, as they scatter my wayward thought.

Turning my head to the door, I see three very Capitol-looking people with wide smiles on their faces. Octavia, Venia, and Flavius. My prep team. Venia's hair has been dyed aqua blue and given a pointed look. If her head was any closer to mine, she would've poked an eye out. Golden tattoos frame her wide eyes and her blue lips formed a shocked O.

Octavia, a plumpish woman with skin tinted a light evergreen, walks over and pulls me out of the bath. Had I not been used to my nude body being exposed to my prep team, I would've fought against her. Octavia looks me up and down and narrows her eyes at me.

"You could've at least left us something to work with! Honestly, your nails have been bitten to stubs and your eyebrows have grown into bushes!" Octavia shrieks.

Flavius takes a few steps to me and fumbles with my hair. Flavius is the only male of the group though he has very feminine eyes with extremely long eyelashes and a very thin figure. His tight, orange curls bounce on his head as he circles me, huffing and puffing about take care of my hair.

"Did you even listen to us about your hair? Has anyone messed with it?" he asks grumpily.

"Of course," I answer proudly, because it's the only thing I actually did listen to them about.

Content with my response, they wrap me in a plush robe and begin their work. They ramble on about every topic that pops in their mind and, for a while, I'm not bothered by it. That ends when they begin to discuss this year's Hunger Games. This Games will be the Quarter Quell.

Put simply, the Quarter Quell occurs every twenty-five years. Each Quell increases the excitement for the Games by adding twists to the extremes… twists such as adding double the amount of tributes to the Games.

"You will be a mentor this year! How exciting!" Venia squeals, nearly bouncing on her toes.

"I wonder what the surprise will be!" Flavius exclaims with a grin.

The three go on and on until Mrs Everdeen walks in. Wringing her hands in front of her, she explains that Cinna wanted her to teach the group how to braid my hair. Flavius, Venia, and Octavia then watch in awe as Mrs Everdeen gracefully turns my hair. Their eyes follow and consume her every movement with enthusiasm.

Once they have mastered braiding my hair, I am released downstairs, where Cinna and Effie are waiting for me. Effie immediately jumps into her squawking about the schedule, arrangements, and attitude. Right as I am about to tell her to shut her mouth, Cinna speaks up.

He tells me that I have developed a passion for designing clothes, which was inspired by him. Every victor is supposed to have some hobby of sorts that they take up after the Games since they are wealthy enough to never have to work again. Nothing we tried fit me, so Cinna chose my talent.

Cinna's sketch book shows beautiful dressed that have the Capitol look and still look relatively normal. I smirk at him as I gaze around the room where he has posted all different types of fabrics, clothing, and designs.

"Well, I dare say that I show a lot of promise, Cinna." I say.

"Get dressed, you worthless thing," Cinna chuckles as he throws a rolled-up pile of clothes at me.

As I dress, I can see Prim being interviewed in another room. She's beautifully dressed, I note, as she teeters back and forth on her toes. She's like a bird about to fly. I hear a soft giggle and–

Rue. I see Rue standing there. The small girl from District 11 that died in the arena. The scene flashes in front of me. Her screams, the spear piercing her small chest, and the arrow that I sent through the boy that killed her, Marvel.

They weren't the only ones who died because of my actions, but I don't have time to torture myself with that knowledge because Cinna is putting a coat on me. The fur tickles my arms and the scarf holds my neck. He places earmuffs on me. I don't like them because they remind me of when I lost my hearing in the arena.

With the Mockingjay pin in her grasp, Mrs Everdeen rushes over to me and pins it on the coat. She kisses my cheek, wishes me luck, and then takes her place by Prim's side.

"Attention, attention, everyone! We are going out to take the first shot where the victors will greet each other to begin the tour!" Effie announces and then, literally, pushes me out the door.

I sway to catch my balance and shoot her daggers. The snow falling blanks out my vision for a bit. I can barely see Peeta walking out his front door when I run straight into his arms as if I can't stand the wait. He spins me and we go tumbling down. Peeta lost his leg in the Games and he still struggles with his command of the artificial one.

Peeta holds out his hand to help me up. In his eyes I can see– hurt? Yes, hurt. The only thing I can come up with is that, despite saying otherwise, he hasn't fully forgiven me.

From the village to the train station, Peeta and I put on our show. Everything is actually a blur to me. I can't even remember what we had for dinner on the train.

It's dark out but, like always, I can't sleep. Two things are keeping me awake. I wander through the train until I reach Haymitch's room. He's awake, and I am sure of it because he doesn't like sleeping while it's dark. However, I still have to knock several times before he responds.

"What is it, sweetheart?" he groans.

The nauseating smell of alcohol pours out of his room and into the hall. Fortunately, his eyes have yet to glaze over so he is still coherent.

"I need to talk to you," I say with urgency in my voice.

"This better be good," he grumbles and takes me to the back of the train.

Everything is bugged, so I don't dare talk until I pull Haymitch outside, explaining to a Capitol attendant that Haymitch is drunk when he stumbles down the stairs. Once out, I tell him everything of father's visit and Gale's kiss.

"You kissed– Katniss why in hell would you do that?" Haymitch hisses, spraying spit all over the place.

"HE– KISSED– ME!" I growl louder than I intend to.

"Do you understand what your father was implying?" he says still clenching his teeth.

"Who in hell could understand my father? If you think you do, humour me. What was he saying?"

My fists are curled at my side. Why I feel mad that Haymitch thinks he understands my father better than I do is a mystery to me. I'm not jealous though. That's ridiculous.

"You cannot fail." Haymitch says articulating every word with a poke to my shoulder.

"What does that even mean?"

"If you don't convince everyone you love Peeta, you will stir the people into a full rebellion. If you fail, he will not only kill you, but everyone else you care for."

Ice forms in my throat, and it burns.

"Haymitch," I say with a thick voice. "Haymitch, help me get through this trip. Please, just this- "

"It is not just this trip," he says in a low and furious voice.

I have words on the tip of my tongue, but no matter my efforts, I can't speak.

"This 'romance' you two have is set in stone. You will never be able to escape it. They will revisit it every year. You and Peeta are stuck together, whether or not you like it. It is forever."

Despite the cold snow on the tracks, I lower myself to the ground. My legs are weak and wobbly, and standing doesn't seem like an option for me. I have no choice but to stay with Peeta forever– to love him forever. He's an amazing guy, there is no doubt about that. Peeta could make any girl fall for him and love him. But I don't. I don't love him… because love isn't real. It is just a fairytale.


	5. Chapter Four Ecstasy

**Piepie1289:** These are entertaining, haha. Be patient, Loveling! :)  
**ilovethemanofsteel:** Teeheeheeheehee :)  
**Wisegirl13: **I know! I was like that when I was reading to books. As an author myself, situations like this can be extremely, _extremely_ annoying. The thing is that, it's in her character to be so confused and it's very difficult to break character in the middle of everything without making the readers get their knickers in a twist. Thanks for reading. :)  
**Oreocookielove2468: **Dun, dun, dun. Haha, since you asked so nicely. . . .  
**Eliley: **Thank you! :)

* * *

*******DISCLAIMER*****  
Me: *Rams shoulder into bars* Lemme outta here! Let me out!  
Peeta: She's still going at it?  
Haymitch: Has been for a good hour now.  
Peeta: Wouldn't that - *Loud Bang*  
Me: I'M FREE MUTH FUCKAS!  
Peeta: Get her!  
Katniss: *Shouts* RUN, LOVELY, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!  
Haymitch: Katniss!  
Katniss: All you guys will do is the disclaimer.  
Peeta: But we have to. People need to know that she doesn't own the Hunger Games Trilogy.  
Katniss: Yeah, but forcing her to say it or saying for her will only annoy Lovely.  
Haymitch: Look. Sweetheart. I know you're being thoughtful and all, but the fact is that LovelyUnderland is not Suzanne Collins. Lovely owns no part of the Hunger Games Trilogy.  
Katniss: No, but she owns the fan fiction plot. Just let her be. She'll come to terms with it.  
Peeta: Yeah, the moment I stop loving you.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_Despite the cold snow on the tracks, I lower myself to the ground. My legs are weak and wobbly, and standing doesn't seem like an option for me. I have no choice but to stay with Peeta forever– to love him forever. He's an amazing guy, there is no doubt about that. Peeta could make any girl fall for him and love him. But I don't. I don't love him… because love isn't real. It is just a fairytale._

* * *

**ATTENTION! MUST READ!  
Due to popular demand, and I do mean DEMAND, there is a very intense, sexual scene in this chapter. If you are not 18 do not read and, should you not listen, I am not responsible. You have made that decision despite my warning. Anyway, I expect more than twenty reviews if any of you want me to write another scene like that again. Thank you carry on.**

* * *

**Chapter Four: Ecstasy**  
012914  
_LovelyUnderland_

* * *

I never went to sleep, yet I didn't exactly stay awake either. The in-between. That's what I like to call being stuck in my flashbacks. As much as I would like to say that I have gotten over the Hunger Games and forgotten, I can't. It would be a lie. No one really ever forgets the Games. No one ever leaves them either. It's a matter of living with the memories. By the time I find my way back to the land of the living, I am drenched in sweat, hair plastered to my flushed cheeks… and standing in the doorway, glass in hand, is Peeta.

Haymitch's words come back to me and I feel the pit of my stomach turning cold. I'm still just a kid. He's still just a kid. Yet it seems like our lives are already set out for us.

"Here," he murmurs in a soft voice, handing me the glass of water.

"What time is it?" I ask, trying to focus my eyes, but I am so exhausted that I can't seem to do so.

"Breakfast time. You had me worried," he says.

"How so?" I ask, sipping the water. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was until then.

"Well," he begins, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, "Your eyes were open from the moment I walked into the room, but you weren't blinking. I, uh, got worried."

"What, that I was dead? I'm not that lucky," I muse into the glass.

Peeta shoots me a glare that tells me to keep my morbid comments to myself. It's funny how he cares more about my life than I do.

"Something simple," he mutters, and walks to the closet.

He pulls out a sleeveless blue dress for me to wear. I remember Cinna saying that I wasn't going to have much prepping done for the tour. Gently, Peeta lifts me and carries me to the shower. As he scrubs my skin, I think about all we've been through. Comparing him to Gale.

Gale didn't go through the Games. He's stable, and that's what I need. A smile graces my face at the thought of having a stable life. _A normal life._

"You're thinking of him," Peeta says softly.

"Who?" I reply dumbly.

"Gale."

Even though my back is to him, the pain is clear in his voice.

"Yes," I answer, in a voice so quiet that it's almost inaudible. "He kissed me… and I kissed him back…"

Peeta freezes with his hands in my hair. He stays like that for an eternity. I want him to say something, anything. Yell at me, call me names. Why I said it, I don't know. Keeping it from him only made me feel guilty. I guess I thought that admitting to it would ease that, but I was wrong.

The warm comfort of the water around me turns cold as Peeta removes his hands. I can hear him rinsing them in the sink. After the long minutes of silence, I turn to see him clutching the edge of the glass sink. His knuckles are white and he's breathing heavily… but the worst is the tear stains on his face.

"Peeta," I murmur, standing from the tub.

He tenses as I rest my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whisper with a kiss to his neck. When he pulls away from me it's like nothing I've ever felt before.

"No, Katniss. You aren't sorry," Peeta hisses and, without even glancing my way, he leaves the room.

The smell of warm soup hits my noise as I follow Peeta into the dining cart. Haymitch and Effie look up and, as luck would have it, Effie has that annoying, joyous look on her face. I've barely put four spoonfuls of soup in my mouth when she starts going on about the schedule. I try to block her out to the best of my ability, but her high tone breaks through my barriers.

I'm relieved when she exits the room to see if we are on schedule. Haymitch has forced Peeta and I to sit together. Nothing I say receives a response from the blonde boy. Why did he have to act to stubborn?

"Can you believe it?" Effie's piercing voice sounds. "The train has to stop because something went wrong. Oh, this is going to mess with our entire schedule! We will only have twenty minutes to each district– barely any time for relaxation– prep and dressing– Oh, no! This is horrible! I can't even begin to– "

"Effie, shut the hell up!" I shout, startling everyone.

Ignoring the looks centred onto me I stand, so quickly that my chair falls with a loud thud, and walk out of the train. There is very little snow on the ground, but it's still freezing. I keep walking until I can no longer see the train and plant myself on the tracks. Not a minute later I can hear someone walking up from behind me. I assume that it's Haymitch coming to chew me out.

"Leave me alone, I don't care to hear your lecture," I snap.

"I'll save the speech, then."

"…I thought you were Haymitch," I mumble, embarrassed.

Peeta sighs and sits beside me.

"If you were trying to break another person, you succeeded," he bit out, in a voice so cold that it sends chills down my spine.

"I never meant to hurt–" I begin.

"Katniss, I'm not so sure about that. You seem to have a good record going against that statement. It's funny, actually, how I could still care for you."

He says nothing else and my voice doesn't seem to be working. It's Haymitch that finds us and makes me apologize to Effie. It sounds all too forced, but she accepts it anyway. Each day we will visit a different district. District 12 will be last before we go to the Capitol. Our first stop is at District Eleven.

District Eleven was Rue's and Thresh's district. It's too quiet when we step onto the podium. Standing on a far left riser is an elderly woman with dark skin and a very sturdy looking girl with a scowl on her face. On the far right riser are a group of young children and a woman holding them close, and I recognize them as the tributes' families. My hands are shaking as I stare at my speech card that Effie wrote for me.

My dear people of District Eleven, thank you for your tributes. They gave a lot in the Games and were amazing sacrifices. They are no longer with us, but I am sure that they would have been happy with the outcome. May this remind you of the Capitol's forgiveness for the Dark Days.

I just stare at the card. Peeta's voice brings me back to the present, though.

"On my card, I am supposed to say that Rue and Thresh were sacrifices, but that is wrong. They were people, children forced into the Games. I am well aware of what Rue did for Katniss and what Thresh did. Therefore, I am donating a large portion of my winnings to each of their families, as a thank you."

Murmurs and gasps could be heard all around. I'm not sure if what Peeta did was even allowed. The guards begin to step forward, but I have to say something for Rue and Thresh first.

"Rue was my friend," I hastily say, rushing to the microphone, "and she saved my life. When I look at Prim, the young girl I volunteered for, I am reminded of Rue. Not only because of her small stature, but her loving heart. Thresh also saved me. When Clove had a knife to my throat, he pulled her off of me. He was one of the strongest, if not the strongest, tribute. Had it not been for him, I would have died in the Games. They deserve to be honoured. Like Peeta, I will be donating a large sum of my winnings to their families. I will never forget Rue and Thresh."

There was silence afterwards, but it was broken a whistle from the centre of the crowd. Rue's tune. Like at the reaping, people pressed three fingers to their lips and lifted their hands to Peeta and I. At this, Peacekeepers force their way through the crowd and drag an elderly man with dark skin to the front. The moment they raise their metal beaters, the screams start.

Someone is pulling me away. Someone else is screaming. There is a lot of yelling and crying. The doors of the District Eleven Justice Building close right as a guard shoots the man. I can still hear a woman screaming. Why isn't anyone helping her? Flashbacks from the Games return.

"Katniss! Katniss, you're okay now!"

Everything is dark. Whoever is yelling is barely overruling the woman's cries. I'm in the arena again. I'm running for my life. I–

"Katniss, open your eyes!"

There's blood everywhere. Bodies everywhere. Children, lifeless. They never had a chance. I don't look back. I've made it through the bloodbath, but I can still hear them dying.

"Katniss!"

Peeta, Effie, and Haymitch are all staring down at me. We are back on the train. I'm in a small corner by the dining table with my knees pulled up to my chest and my hands over my ears. My throat is sore and my face is wet.

"Stop staring at me!" I yell, and try to dart from the room. Unfortunately, Haymitch gets a hold of my arm.

"Enough, sweetheart, come with me. You too, Peeta!" he growls.

He takes us to an old and dusty room that I've never been in before. A broken couch is in the centre and other old things are scattered about. Haymitch locks the door and pushes me onto the couch, ignoring the string of oaths I have been letting out at him and Peeta.

"What the hell happened out there?" he yells.

"I don't know!" I retort, standing up.

"Did you forget what your father said to you or what I said the last night?" Haymitch forces out through clenched teeth.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on? I am sick of not knowing what goes on all the time!" Peeta shouts.

Haymitch takes a deep breath and turns to Peeta. He explains what my father said in Victor's Village and gives a brief description of the conversation we had. As he talks I can see Peeta's eyes darken more and his jaw clench tighter. By the time he's done, Peeta looks as though he is about to explode… and he does.

"Sop neither of you could have told me this beforehand? I offered my portion, taking a risk without knowing how bad things are, and we started an outbreak when we were supposed to be calming everyone down! I am sick of the secrecy! Especially from you, Katniss! What the hell are we supposed to do now to convince everyone that you aren't a rebel but a pathetic lovestruck girl?"

Both Haymitch and I gape at Peeta. Only seeing the gentle and hurt side of him is one thing, but seeing this furious side is another. He scoffs at us when we don't answer. The thing is, though, neither of us really knows what to do now. Haymitch didn't expect things to go so wrong and I didn't expect anything to happen. I was supposed to let Peeta do all the talking.

This is all Effie's fault. She was the one that wanted me to do at least one speech. Had she not suggested that, I would have never opened my mouth. Now I have the Everdeens to worry about and Peeta's family too. Although his mom was a total bitch when I met her, I officially know he still cares for his family.

"We could get married," I suggest.

"Fine," Peeta snaps and leaves the room, slamming the door closed behind him.

"What the hell was his problem?! Isn't he the one that wants to get married to me?" I huff at Haymitch, who is searching the cupboards for any alcohol.

"Katniss, you can be as ignorant as Effie sometimes!" Haymitch simply sighs.

At that moment, a guard opens the door and orders us to go back to the resting compartment. She tells us that the train will be departing in five minutes.

Peeta refuses to speak to me. We've gone through all of the districts already and are now headed to the Capitol. He did the speeches while I said a few carded words and played my part of the love sick girl. As soon as we step into the train, he stops talking to me and goes to do his own thing.

The only time that Peeta doesn't completely ignore me is at night. Neither of us can sleep at night, so we sleep together instead. It was kept a secret for a while until recently, when we both forgot to wake up early. Effie's fit alerted everyone in the train of what she assumed we were doing. When I tried to explain to her that we were doing nothing, she gave me an hour-long lecture. Now, each time a guard passes me, they raise an eyebrow.

We will arrive in the Capitol tomorrow, at some time around midnight. Everyone, bar Haymitch and Peeta, are asleep on the train. They have been for hours now. I do this every night. I sit in my bed contemplating whether or not I should go into Peeta's room and each time, I find myself in his bed. Our agreement is an unspoken one. To be honest, I don't even know how it all started.

Sighing, I throw the covers off and swing my legs over the edge. The wooden floor is as cold as ice. With a long silk robe wrapped securely over my clothes, I tiptoe to Peeta's room. The door creaks open. On the large bed, I can see Peeta's form slowly rising and falling. Unsure of what to do now, since he's never been asleep before I came in, I cautiously walk a little closer.

There is a pang in my chest when I see his moonlit face. Peeta isn't sleeping. Tears are falling down is pink cheeks and his lip is quivering. What have I done to him? I've broken him. I've broken him so many times that I feel as though I can never reverse my wrongs.

"How can you love someone that has hurt you so deeply?" I whisper.

"I wish I knew," he replies in a frail voice.

I climb onto the other side of the bed, facing his back. Gently, I grab his shoulder and turn him. He doesn't fight against me. I don't think he has enough strength to. His blue eyes that once held such happiness were now hollow, save for the pain. When I brush away his tears and pull my hand away, he stops me. He holds mine to his cheek and lets out a choked sob, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Oh, Peeta," I whisper, pulling him to me.

Like a child, he latches onto me for comfort, putting his head into the crook of my neck. I run my fingers through his soft hair as his body shakes.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta," I murmur gently.

Peeta pulls away and looks at me with watery eyes. Those feelings that I had when we were in the cave and during the reaping suddenly return. They fill my body from head to toe… and, for the first time, I don't try to push them down.

When my lips meet the pain that has made tracks down his face I can hear him take in a sharp breath. But I continue to kiss away the tears that I've cause. They are sweetly salty. My mouth reaches his. The soft tenderness of his lips make my heart ache for more. At the moment, this is all want.

* * *

Slowly, Peeta's arms embrace me as he runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I can feel his heart pounding against mine. Beating in perfect synchronization. His hands slide the dark, silk robe off of my shoulders and he nips at my neck. Against my thigh, I can feel him swelling. Running his hands up my sides, Peeta stops at my ribs.

Sitting up, I shiver as Peeta runs two thumbs over my nipples, cupping my breasts. His warm fingers hook under the hem of my thin, yellow shirt and he pulls it away, revealing my pale skin. Insecurely, I colour and try to cover myself, but he stops me.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers and lays me on my back.

Hovering over me, he leans down and places his lips over my breast with his fingers massaging the other. He swirls his tongue, nips, and sucks, alternating from one breast to another. Peeta lets out a low moan as I grind my hips up against the bulge that is now visible through his satin pants. With ease Peeta grabs the waist of my silk night shorts and takes them away.

The only remaining piece of fabric on me is the black lace lingerie, but that doesn't last long. Because Peeta's teeth grip the edge and rip them off. He takes in every part of my body with hungry eyes. Pressing his lips on mine he says, "Beautiful."

He kisses a long line down my body, each with a husky, "So beautiful."

When he reaches my legs, Peeta spreads them apart. The warmth of his breath as he lowers his head makes me anxious with anticipation. A moan escapes me as Peeta begins rotating his tongue. His hold on my legs becomes tighter as my moans increase and, when he stops, I want to beg for more.

As he crawls back to me, I can see just how hard he has become. The wetness between my legs increases at the sight and I can't help myself. I want to ravish his body. Pushing Peeta back onto the large bed, straddling him, I tear off his shirt and crush my lips onto his. Moans muffled between our lips, I rub against him.

"Oh, God, Katniss," he groans between kisses.

Bringing myself down to his waist, I remove everything that is blocking my way. Peeta's breathing increases as I place his long thickness into my mouth. I take as much as I can, sucking the tip, bobbing my head up and down, placing it between my breasts, licking the length.

"Feels so good," Peeta breathes, his fingers running through my hair. "Feels so – oh – oh, God – That's it – I'm – I – "

Just as he is about to finish, I feel arms pull me up. Peeta's eyes are glazed with excitement, but he pulls me close to his chest, taking deep breaths. Once we've regulated our hearts, he props himself against headboard with me in his lap. The heat to him against my wet slit is almost unbearable.

Peeta says, "Are you sure you want this?"

"You don't?" I ask, wincing at the whine in my voice.

"Katniss, you have no idea how much I want this. How much I want to feel you on top of me, be inside of you. But I won't do it unless you want it too." his voice is so husky that I can hear how much he is straining to hold himself back.

"Be gentle," I say and that's all it takes.

Peeta lifts me up and rests me against the pillows. Parting my legs with his knees, he places his tip, warm, against me. With one last look at me, he goes in. I'm hit with a painful, stinging sensation. He is so long, so thick, that it hurts more than it normally would, but I know that Peeta is doing all that he can to make me as comfortable as possible.

"Sorry," he whispers each time he goes deeper, taking breaks to help me relax. I can see worry and guilt cross his face with every whimper that I let out. Finally, every bit of Peeta is inside. The pain doesn't leave.

He holds himself still as I, carefully, begin to move and get used to the pain. Now it;s my turn to apologize. With every movement Peeta grunts, sucks in a breath, gasps, groans, and tenses, resisting his temptation. His body begins to shake as the stinging fades away.

"It's okay now, I think." I say. "Just – just go slow."

When I say this, Peeta's arms give out. Staring into my eyes, Peeta slowly pulls his swollen member away, leaving the tip inside. The tenderness he uses makes me want to cry. I never understood how people could cry doing this, but now I get it. Though every part of Peeta is probably screaming at him to go as fast and hard as he can, he doesn't. He fights that urge. . . .for me.

A rebellious tear slips out of my watery eye as Peeta pushes himself back into me. I know he's seen this when his body tenses.

"K-katniss? Are you okay? Do you want me to stop? Am I hurting you that much?" Peeta asks in a voice so pained and worried that I let out a soft laugh only confusing him more.

"You're not hurting me. I'm okay." I reassure him.

"Then, why are you crying?" he says with big eyes.

"Because. . . .because you're being so gentle," when his brows furrow I continue, "It made me realize. . . .I – what I mean to say is. . . .I want this with you. . . .only with you. I want you to be the only one that ever does this to me and. . . .and. . . .I love you."

Peeta's eyes are glistening with fresh tears as I say this. Brushing a thumb over the tears that have fallen, he crashes his lips down. The passion between us seems to whirl around the room. Warm wet drops fall from his face to my cheeks. He drives into bringing a gasp from me.

"Oh, Katniss," he moans, "I love you so much."

It's as though I can't get close enough too him. My hips move wanting more, but it's not enough.

"Faster," I urge. "Harder, Peeta."

Grabbing my waist, Peeta grunts as he pounds himself into me. His mouth latches onto my breast. Shock waves course through me. The way Peeta cries out my name brings me closer each time. My heart is hammering against my chest and I grip the soft linen.

"I'm – Katniss, I," he voice is thick as he speaks. "Can't – Can't hold much – so close."

Peeta's weight rests on me as he tries to slow himself down.

"Keep going," I manage to say. "I want you to – "

"Anything," he whispers.

"Show me that – that I'm really yours – only yours. All of the – love you hold – for me – show me – fill me – with it." I say, scattered.

Peeta does just that. Snaking his arms around my waist, as I wrap mine around his neck, Peeta picks me up and pushes me against the wall. He nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck and plunges into me over and over with muffled moans. It feels so good, him inside me, his hands cupping my thighs, our erratic breathing and flushed faces.

Then, it happens. A rippling wave of ecstasy shoots through me. I cry out Peeta's name against his shoulder as he calls out mine into my neck. Peeta is now holding a fist full of my hair and chanting my name. He pumps heat into me, filling me with his love.

"Peeta," I breathe as he pushes into me one last time. "I love you."

"As I love you, Katniss," he says.


	6. Chapter Five: A Letter And A Ring

I know this is really shitty of a chapter, but I'm really struggling with a lot of things at the moment and I'm busy with work. I'll try to update as often as possible, I promise. Don't give up on me! - Lovely

Chapter Five: A Letter And A Diamond Ring

022514

LovelyUnderland

It isn't the bright sunlight rising in from a distance that rouses me, nor is it the cold chill in the train. I'm brought from my dreams by the warmth that is radiating off of Peeta. The fear of being loved is still with me, but a new fear overrides it. What if this isn't real? This feeling… what if it's only temporary? I'm risking so much by letting love into my life.

As I ponder this, I crawl off of the bed and pull on my clothes. Leaving him like this isn't right, but I can't stay here. I need time to think.

"It wasn't real."

The soft, groggy voice from across the room makes my heart sink. I look over and see Peeta rubbing his eyes. And, soundlessly, I slip out the door.

"They gave him a highly euphoric anti-anxiety shot," a gruff voice says from behind me, "so he'll think that what you two did was just a dream."

"I – What? What are you talking about?" I stammer.

I receive no response, other than a grunt. Haymitch cocks his head to the side for me to follow. His face is paler than usual and his eyes are puffy, as if he has been crying.

"Your father sent this over for you," he grumbles, and hands me a slip of paper with my name elegantly written on the fold. As I lower myself onto the couch, I open it… but I wish I hadn't.

You have caused quite the stir, my dearest Katniss. I specifically warned you for a reason, you know. Make a good show at the interview tonight. You will not like the consequences should you fail to meet my expectations.

Sincerely yours,

Coriolanus Snow

President of Panem

As if the burden on my shoulders couldn't get any heavier. I grit my teeth together to keep me from screaming. Why is he doing this to me? The time I have to react is limited because Peeta soon walks into the room. The look he gives me as he does so, though, makes my heart ache.

Anger. Hurt. Helplessness. Fear. Yearning. Love.

I'm not sure whether or not to tell him that it wasn't a dream, and that it was real.

(PPOV)

Her beautiful gray eyes look up at me. There is nothing I want more than to take her into my arms, but I'm not the one she wants, and I never will be.

"What's that?" I ask, noticing the small note in Katniss' hands.

In one swift movement she pushes it into my hands and returns to her spot. Reading it makes me nauseous because of whatever sadistic consequence President Snow has in mind. Growing up, I knew that he wasn't a good man, but I didn't know the extent of his inherent badness. Lately, I've seen a side of him that I never thought possible. Who could do this to their own daughter…? Then again, she's not truly his daughter.

She'll find that out soon, when she reads the journal. She'll discover that her life has been a complete lie. I don't know how she'll handle it, but I plan on being there for her every step of the day. Even if I'm not Gale.

"What do we do?" I say.

"Well, we already have the marriage idea. Why don't we make it public, today… during the interview," she snaps.

All the pain I've felt turns into anger; anger towards Katniss, towards President Snow, towards Haymitch, and towards Gale. I've never felt so furious and betrayed in my life. It startles me that my whole body is shaking and burning up. The atmosphere seems to have thickened and heated to a boiling temperature.

My mind is screaming at me, telling me to keep my mouth shut, but the words rush out before I can stop them. However, the worst part is that I'm not bothered by them.

"You must love hurting me, you fucking bitch. Why don't you just run off with Gale and let us all die? You're selfish enough to do that anyway, so I don't see why you're keeping up this act. Oh, that's right. You're just trying to save your own ass."

"I'm doing this to save both of us!" Katniss growls, and stands from her seat. "If I had a choice I would've let Clove kill me rather than end up with you!"

I can hear Effie chastising Katniss, but it doesn't stop me or my hateful words.

"Really? Are you sure you wouldn't change your mind about that? Because you seem to be a real indecisive whore!"

"Maybe I don't know what I want, but at least I know that it's not you!" she yells.

"Oh, yeah, you want that Gale kid. Did he tell you that he had sex with Madge? He told half the town that she's pregnant with his kid!"

"Bullshit! He would've told me! You're nothing like Gale! That's what's wrong with you, Peeta! You aren't strong and you don't think for yourself. You're pathetic!" Katniss jabs a finger at my chest. "By the fucking way, it wasn't a dream! It happened!"

"Don't try that crap with me, Katniss! I'm sick of your lies!"

"FUCK YOU, PEETA, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ME! I WOULDN'T CARE IF YOU DROPPED DEAD!"

That was the last straw, and even Katniss knew it. I could hear her beginning to apologize, but I slam the door before she could work out her sentence. I won't cry. I can't cry. I am not weak. I am not pathetic.

They say that words arising out of anger are just that, anger, but I find that hard to believe. There has to be some truth. Our interview is less than an hour away and neither Katniss nor I have spoken. Haymitch has planned out the proposal and given me the ring… because, yes, we are still going through with it. President Snow is in the audience with the swarm of Peacekeepers, and I can only hope that this is enough for him.

Twenty minutes. I need to find Haymitch. From door to door I look for him. It's only at the last door backstage that I stop. I can hear him talking to Katniss.

"I thought he wanted this," she mutters.

"Are you that ignorant?" Haymitch grumbles.

"Then you tell me what I'm missing," she demands.

"He wants this, but he wants it to be real, not staged."

"That's not my fault. He should have- "

That's all I need to hear. The confirmation that it's not real. It takes me nearly ten minutes to return to my prep area and seven to get my final touches done. Before I know it, I'm on camera with Katniss. She's wearing a deep blue dress with loose curls in her dark hair.

"Caesar, I have something special I want to do," I say.

"Oh, my, what– what would that be?"

I stand, adjust my tie, and clear my throat. Then, on one knee, I pull out a velvet box and open it to reveal a large diamond ring.

"Katniss, my love, will you marry me?"

Instantly, tears begin to run down her face as she says yes and I slip the ring onto her finger. The audience is beside themselves with excitement. Caesar can't find the right words to speak and Effie is bawling, as are the prep teams. Then there's President Snow. The shaking of his head tells me that it wasn't enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Hello lovelies. It's been awhile, I know. I will be back with four new chapters on April 15th. I promise! 


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